To those that developed me...

I know it has been a few months and, for that, I apologize.  The last time I posted was in August, which was about the same time that my role at work changed.  I also had some "personal revelations" about this time well; so, every time I considered writing, I was not in the right place.  Being in the right frame of mind is important when I write.  Now that things are getting back under control, I wanted to send a special thanks to the people that played the biggest role in my development professionally, my former employees.

After so many years of managing people, I no longer have any direct reports.  This was a pretty big adjustment for me.  So, for those who may not know, the things that drive me are fixing things and helping people.  The management role allowed me to do that in ways I could never imagine.  The funny thing though is that when I started out my career, I never aspired to be a people manager.  I continue to receive great accolades from people about my leadership and development of others.  I approached managing people as a great responsibility and can only hope that the care and pride that I saw in my employees came through in my support and encouragement in every situation.

The only likeness I can imagine to my losing employees is that of a parent that is sending their kids out into the world.  I can only hope that I have provide the foundation for them to continue to grow and develop themselves.  However, it is important that I recognize the things that previous employees have taught me.

Direct reports have taught me how..,

• to listen
• to incorporate opposing perspectives
• to appreciate differences in approach
• to change/construct messages
• to highlight the positives
• to not take life too seriously 
• to say no

I will never be able to capture everything that employees taught me in a single post.  The one thing that I wanted to highlight was that my previous employees taught me how to be a great manager.  For that, I am truly thankful.

I thank you all for developing me!!!  I wish you all the very merriest holidays!

Competition

I found this post that I wrote some time ago but never never posted.  My inspiration came from a conversation over a holiday meal with people very dear to my heart (I am sure that neither of them remember this conversation, but we shall see).  Hope you enjoy.

Over the holiday, a good friend of mine asked me about my blog updates.  Two things came out of this short discussion (1) I found out that people do read my blogs (Yay me!) and (2) another friend believes that I should talk about some controversial things.  So, because it just came up in a live conversation and is considered controversial by some, I am going to try out a more controversial post.

Competition - Is it good?

Isn't this an interesting topic?  In many points throughout life, we are competing with something or someone whether we realize it or not.  "The act of trying to get or win something that someone is trying to win or get" is the definition that Merriam Webster (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/competition) provides.  Based on the definition provided, I would say yes, competition is good because it is one of the simplest or most natural motivators and motivation is a plus.  When people decide that they want something, they will work harder to obtain what they desire.  Being a person with this type of initiative is inspiring.  That seems to be an easy enough answer, right?

Seeing as though the question had to be posed, my guess is that there are some negative connotations or energy that comes with competition.  So in pondering the negative side of competition, I had to take Merriam's definition alongside the second definition listed by the Free Online Dictionary (FOD) to aid in my next point.  The second definition from the FOD says that a competition is "a test of skill or ability; a contest."  So, if I want something and I have to get it by showing that my skill or ability is "better" or more "superior" than yours, what happens if I lose?  That depends on the parties involved and their mentality.  If I am an immature person that can't control my feelings, I may lash out at the winner; negative reaction.  If I am a mature person, I congratulate the winner and continue to focus on how I can be better to reach my goal. 

So to answer the question, is competition good?  My answer is this, competition alone is most definitely good and encourages development.  The immaturity and insecurity that some people add to it is unhealthy and destructive.  Just remember, it isn't the competition that was bad; the unnecessary behaviors that came along with the results were unacceptable.

I also think that competition is good for children.  If taught properly. It provides focus and discipline that only aids in building stronger, better respected adults.

Not done yet...

For those of you that read and enjoy my posts, I just wanted to let you know that I am not don yet.  I have ben working on a new site for my posts, as I would like to postmore regularly.  Th point of this post was to say don't give up on my yet.  I plan to start posting again in another weeks or so.

Thoughts of my friend...

This week someone very close to me suffered the loss of her aunt.  Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the service nor see my friend this week.

These situations are always difficult and unique to every individual.  Now, I will never claim to understand how one feels during this time, I can only offer my ear and my heart when assistance is needed.

Death is a guarantee and will be experienced by everyone.  That's why life (and living it) is so very critical.  The one thing I can say about this particular loss is that my friend (my sister) should relish in the thought that she got so much time with her aunt.  I am not sure a full week went by that she didn't talk to or see her aunt.  From the little time, that I spend with those close to me,I can tell you this is a precious gift.  

While I know it doesn't feel this way now and it's a struggle, there should be no regrets Shay.  From my limited perspective, Sandy had a great life,not because of the material things around her but because of the love she was so often surrounded by.  Your spirit will be with us always Sandy, we love you!

The Power of a Name

A couple of weeks ago, I got into a pretty interesting conversation about last names and marriage.  Now, of course, this conversation was wholly from a woman’s perspective; but let’s be real, the woman is the only one faced with the changing of a name for marriage, right?  Back on topic, the question that started us down this path was, “would you hyphenate your name?”  In today’s world, this is a perfectly innocent and appropriate question given the many perspectives and ways people address.

My thoughts:  This is a wholly personal decision and unique to every situation.  Names can mean so much or nothing at all to so many that it is up to the individual to place worth based on their own personal development/growth/sacrifice.  We can never be the decider of what holds value or importance to each individual.  It is the decision of the woman and her future husband to decide what's best for them.  And this is where I think the problem may lie with something of this nature.  I do feel that both people in the relationship should be supportive of the decision to hyphenate or not hyphenate. 

Why would that be important?  Because from the time you get married moving forward, decisions within the marriage should be made together.  Making a decision on how you will represent yourself, in name, without consideration of the other's feelings is a direct contradiction To what marriage represents.  Again, this simply one perspective and may not be the same for everyone but you will never know if you don't give your partner the option to share their feelings or thoughts.

Tonight, I simply...write

I have wanted to sit down and write for a little while now but was unable to get my head around what I wanted to write.  So tonight, I just decided to let my fingers do the work.

A few weeks ago, someone asked me if I had ever considered writing a book.  My response, “Heck no!”, with complete astonishment in my voice of such a notion.  I later mentioned it to my hubby, who responded, “I can see that you have interesting thoughts and people want to hear what you have to say”; his response had no shock or awe.  I say, “I don’t think that I have enough interesting things to talk about for a whole book and I am not sure that I have that type ability”.  The responses, “You have been writing various things since I met you” and “You probably could string together the blogs you have written thus far.”  Well, fancy that!  For others to see that ability in me almost had me in tears.

The funny thing is I was completely taken aback yet I have enjoyed writing since I was a little girl.  I use to write short stories growing up.  When I was younger, I think what I loved was the escape.  I got to go to a please that was designed and wholly ruled by yours truly.  I got to determine what things looked like, how people interacted, and the outcome of every good and bad situation; what’s not to like?

Now that I am older, it still serves as an escape but mostly because I can use it as an outlet.  I get to speak on my terms in my language without being judged or chastised for it (well, maybe a little by readers – but they know this is my blog J).  It allows me to be happy; it’s is my selfish attribute (remember happiness involves a little selfishness).  

Getting all of my thoughts out in black and white helps me to get it out and move on.  Being able to release is extremely important in the lives we (people in general) lead today.  Stress/depression/anxiety, they kill (literally); BEWARE!

Well, if I ever do consider writing a book, I will need a dang good editor.  J

Good night people! 

Take this one to sleep with you:

The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake.  –Leonardo da Vinci

For my mentee...

In one of my earlier posts entitled "Just me ...", I stated that 'the people making sure you are around are the people that you should be making sure you are around’.  I was asked to elaborate on this point.  Simply put, this statement means that I had to stop putting energy and time into relationships with people that did not reciprocate that effort. 

A key indication that someone doesn’t want to be bothered with you is that they don’t bother with you.  They don’t call, send an email or check in with you.  They simply respond whenever you reach out to them.  If they don’t have anything else to do, they humor you. 

Nevertheless, I had it in my head that I had to maintain the relationship because I felt obligated.  Obligated by my relation to the person or the length of time that I knew them or even that they had done something for me.  I finally had to ask myself, is this worth it?  Don't get me wrong, all of these things an create or strengthen some relationships.  However, these things should not be the only things that keep them going.  In my case, NONE of the relationships that I am speaking of were worth the detriment that they brought to my life because, for me, they were unhealthy.   They impacted my self-confidence, other relationships, and my stress levels.  They failed to offer happiness or support. 

I made the choice to put my energies somewhere else.  I put those energies into the people that ALWAYS made it a point to call me, just to see how I was; the people that, regardless of who or what was happening, ALWAYS invited me.  Why did I make that choice?  I made it because those were the people that cared about me enough to maintain/strengthen the relationship.  At some point, they decided that I was worth it.

As most things in life, this is easier said than done.  Filling your surroundings with people who want to be there with you can be the most uplifting and empowering thing that you can do for yourself. 

Thoughts can be kept silent or communicated throughout the world.  What you choose to do with them is wholly your own.

 

 

  

Seek understanding first...

For those of you that don’t know, some of my posts here are specifically requested by someone else.  That being said, this post and the next were to have specific topics.  However, I have to deviate for a moment to talk about helping others. 

Side Note for my brother-in-law - This post may be lengthy but let me have just a few more minutes of your time and read it anyway. J

Now back to the post…

In a couple of my earlier posts, I provided insight into who I am and my thoughts on my life.  For this post, I would like to talk about why that is important to me.  Hopefully, I can wrap it back around to the title of this post. 

Regardless of our desire to “stay out of other people’s business”, we are in it every time we open ours mouths to discuss someone else.  In these conversations, I always try to be fair in my commentary and consider the person at hand (this piece requires me knowing that person).  I try to avoid negativity and provide a different perspective.  I do this because NO ONE and I mean NO ONE truly knows the next person’s situation.  The only thing we ever know is what we are told.  In many cases, what you are told is the version that people want to share.  Case in point, my post about myself, while intimate, didn’t provide you details around the negative things that took over my childhood.  In fact, I really started in high school.  Were any of the things I shared a lie?  No, I simply skipped over the part of my life that was hardest for me.

We often hear things like, “you don’t know me”, “you don’t know what I have been through” or “you don’t know that person’s situation”.  The reason we don’t know those things is not always that the person doesn’t want to share.  Sometimes, we aren’t listening or asking the right questions or even ready for the person’s truth.  In order to help anyone, you have to understand the issue.  Sometime, we have made assumptions about their situation without even talking to them.  That understanding can only come from the source; are you willing to go directly to the source? Are you ready to hear what someone else has to say?

If the ability to impact others positively exists, use it wisely and with the intent of improving the situation.  Influence is powerful.  Many people desire to have someone that understands their situation and cares enough to listen, be that person for someone.

*Note: This is a totally selfless act.  Your actions and intentions in this situation cannot be about YOU!*

Today was tough because...

As you can see, I am not going to be able to post my updates to my journal everyday.  

1) You guys are going to get tired of me (because you just don't want to know me that well).  
2) I don't know that I will have meaningful posts everyday (and I don't know that I am ready to share that much at this point)

Nevertheless, today's question was this:  Today was tough because...  

Today was tough because I can't understand why some people seem to be incapable of giving others time and space to cope, deal, just to themselves to asses their situations.  

I know, I know, so let me explain.  My friend and co-worker lost her younger brother last night (totally unexpected).  She sent a note to us to let us know.  First thing this morning, people (really one person in particular) are standing in my office asking "Have you talked to her?", "Do you have the arrangements?", "Do you have her address?".  Then, the person runs off and tells everyone she can talk to then starts pinging me.  Really?  Do you think I spent hours talking to her last night or this morning?  She had to break the news to her parents, try to get answers from the coroner's office, and head down to Alabama.  Oh and her brother passed in Chicago by himself.  

It really frustrated me.  Don't get me wrong I am not trying to be mean or insensitive and I understand that people just want to show concern and support. My thoughts are this, before you take action, consider if the situation was yours, what would you prefer from others?  This consideration can help in almost every situation that you face involving others.

Can People Change?

January 2 Question: Can people change?

Considering that both Jamie and I have changed and that I spend 80% of my time at work developing people, my answer is yes, people can change.  I know that many people will not agree with my answer but oh well.  

Things to note about my answer in order for it to happen, people have to:

• Believe change is needed
• Want to change
• Work at change
• Accept setbacks
• Understand feedback

Things that should be considered when thinking about change are that it will not happen overnight and support is required.  Those two things seem to be the hardest thing about change in general.

I am trying to make my posts a little shorter because I got feedback that some of them are too long.  I apologize in advance for the length but I wanted to share one of the poems that I wrote for Jamie a while ago.

He... is the pitter-patter of feet on my heart

... the laughter ringing in my ears

He is the joy glittering in my eyes

He... is the radiant sunlight stomping out my tears

... the stars gleaming throughout my moonlit skies

He is the soothing touch that healed my pain

He... is the sweet aroma drifiting in the midst of an orchard

... the thrilling sensation running down my spine

He is the tranquility engulfing my mind

HE IS THE QUINTESSENCE OF LIFE!!!

By Tamira L. Morris

What is your mission?

I purchased a 5-year journal a long while ago for a young person in my life was never able to gift it.  Nevertheless, the journal is a "Q&A" journal that asks a different question every day.  I am hoping this works out well and will let you know how it is going as often as I can

First questions for the first day of the year:  What is your mission?

At first, I thought this was a very difficult question.  After thinking through all the things that I have dealt with in my life, I realized it wasn't as difficult to answer as I was making it.

My mission is simple.  My mission/ambition is to enjoy a fulfilled life with my husband (the strongest family I have).  So, there it is people, it seems easy enough, doesn't it?  Several situations/challenges come along with that ambition but having it at the forefront of my mind helps me to stay focused.  Diversions and missteps are not able to cause serious delays in my journey.

I am thinking that answering these questions daily will be good for me, but I haven't wholly decided that I am going to share my answers here each day.  Think about it, have you considered your mission?  Maybe we all should.