Aimless Deliberation

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right. Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.   I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.   So, for them, I write: There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few: ·       General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined ·       Happy – funny, thoughtful...

If you have been following this blog for a while, you know that I have a few sisters. Three, to be exact, and I have yet to write a post dedicated to them.  I have actually attempted many times but could never write the message how I saw it (I know it makes no sense).  My writing is an expression of me and so are my sisters, so I want it to be right. Nevertheless, I thought what better time than to post about my sisters than on Thanksgiving Day.  A time when people should be celebrating life, love and treasured moments with those that they love.  Well, I don’t get to spend every Thanksgiving with my sisters.   I love them like no other and I don't tell them enough.   So, for them, I write: There are many similar characteristics evident in each of my sisters.  Below are a few: ·       General - strong, smart, beautiful, feisty, curious, caring, determined ·       Happy – funny, thoughtful...

At various points in our lives, we should take inventory of all things important and how satisfied we are with each aspect.  Why is this important?  In general, it is always good to know what you stand for and are willing to put in the work for.  For me, it helps to gain clarity, focus, and balance.  I recently learned how to use the life wheel.  I literally spent time deciphering the eight most important things to me.  Now, if you are like me, this can be a very difficult task because you have to weed out the things that you feel should be important or things that others think should be important to you.  Let me take you through my experience:   Looking at the page, I had several terms that looked like they should matter to me.  Why? Because I was 39. married, a leader within my company.  So, things like, savings, investments, networks, faith, these SHOULD all definitely be on my list; shouldn't they?   I make a decent ...

A few years back Jamie and I joined a bowling league with some family members (3 other couples).  from August to April, every week we met on Sundays to compete against others.  The point of us joining was to do something and have fun.  When we started, the majority of us sucked but every week, we were there... and most weeks, we had a great time.  We formed bonds and relationships that are still going strong today.   After a short while, we all began to focus on supporting each other and getting better.  Let me say that again... our focus (as a group) supporting each other and getting better.  We met at least one other time throughout the week to just hang out and bowl; we even got others to join in on the non-league bowling (now, how cool is that?).  The employees knew us and typically tried to make sure that we had what needed while we were there.  We became pretty consistent and close.  Bowling was were everyone got to be themselve...

I met my best friend 20 years ago at a grocery store.  I had no idea on that day that she would be my closest friend for life.  Funny how you don't really no what you need until it is placed in front of you.  She was a crazy grandma and I was a silly nerd (or at least that is what everyone thought).  We saw each other through some pretty interesting times...her first car and job; the ride to Memphis to get my car; her "asthma"; my experiments; my "apartment fiasco: countless birthday celebrations (all I can say is we both ENJOYED ourselves immensely); her and her basketball player; me and my long-distance-but-only-when-are -in-the-same-town beau; graduations; our first houses.  All of this to say, we grew up together.  To me, the college years are when you really start to know yourself and what you want (or at least to start focusing on those things).  She and I did that "finding out" stage together.  Now, that we are "grown-ups" and live in diff...

For those that know me, you know that I truly love travelling…ANYWHERE.   Jamie and I have travelled to some pretty awesome places; even places that others don’t see as awesome.  This year took us to another island in Hawai’i and I need to confess a few things from a mainlander’s perspective. Getting to Hawai’i can be a bear.   Think about it Hawai’i is a pretty isolated group of islands.  And oh yeah, they are islands.  If you live anywhere (except along the west coast), travelling to Hawai’i can become cumbersome. My suggestion… If you want to go to Hawai’i, just be prepared.   If you like to read, take a book (one that will keep your interest).   Music your thing, make sure you have at least 6 hours of it.   Do you color?   It may help.   Benadryl put you to sleep, have at it.   Just think through your flight(s).   While we had everything that could keep us amused in our possession, there was no denying that eight ...

I was going to write an awesome post about negativity and its impacts... but I had to change direction.  Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this one. In earlier posts, I have mentioned one of the reasons that I write; to have an outlet.  Writing is my escape from everything around me.  It helps me to release, regroup and focus.  Release the things I unable to control or change; regroup (arrange thoughts in the correct order); focus (well, this one gets its own section - it's the main theme today).   FOCUS While writing helps me get things out constructively, it also serves as a way to hold myself accountable. What does that mean?  Putting your thoughts, irritations, fears, dreams in black and white for the world to see means putting myself out there to be judged/ridiculed whatever people want to do with the information.  I know I have only a few readers (but you are my world) and you have the right to draw from my writings whatever you choose.  ...

I have been working on this post for some time now not because I didn't know what my answer would be but because I couldn't focus on posting.  During the time that I have been trying to write this post, occurrences related to family have " riled me up" so to speak.  So now as a part of my release, I am writing the post that should have been posted at least a week ago. Background on me and my response to annoyance .  (Yes, bullet points) Review and assess =>  Was there something that I did or said to cause those words or actions? Talk it out   => go through the situation with someone else (typically Jamie or Kenya) Determine resolution => Ignore/Respond Resolve => Take the action from number 3 Release =>  Let go  Now, don't get it twisted, this has not always been my response.  I used to play right into the annoyance and emotions.   Through growth and a lot of life, I am now able to tap into what is my core and r...

I read something a long while ago that said something to the effect that while technology has advanced society greatly it has had an interesting impact on personal relationships.  At the time, I knew that our communication with one another had changed and that there was less intimate communication but I hadn't fully grasped it meaning... until yesterday.   Yesterday, Jamie and I decided it was time for us to see the Parthenon (in Centennial Park) up close.  It took us a while to find a park but we did.  We got out and started to walk.  During our walk, I mentioned that people could hardly walk for playing (fiddling) with their phones.  On our way back, Jamie said, "Let's count how many people we see on their phones".  Total number 31 of 35 of the people we saw on the way back to the car were on their phones rather than enjoying the people they were with and the somewhat peaceful location.  The four that weren't on phone, you ask? ...

I woke up this morning really wanting to write something.  As I struggled with what to write about, I found myself thinking, 'should it be something encouraging, personal, honest?'  What I landed on was something that has been on my mind for a little while.   Interestingly enough, something related to this just came up with family members here in the cabin.  The discussion was around how someone can be happy or sad about losing a friend.  While I see how people may can think that this isn't a happy situation, there is some merit to the fact that they lost that friend for a reason.  There was something about the relationship that caused pain or stress.  To rid that pain/stress, the relationship needed to end; thus creating a happier life for the impacted party.  I guess from my perspective, if both parties are happy and the relationship is beneficial to both, there is no reason for it to end. Why is this relevan...

Was doing some reading recently and I was asked to consider the following; What I thought I was going to be when I grew up.  Considering that I recently turned 40, I figured now was as good of a time as any to broach this topic.   Growing up, there were always three things that I wanted to be, a teacher, a computer programmer, and  a mother.  Funny how life works. At 40, I am none of those things but I am happy and on a slow path to a healthy lifestyle. Someone told me, "Tammy 40 is the new 20".  My response, "My 40 is 40, I don't want to be 20 again.  I have done that and quite frankly I am extremely happy that I made it this far in life and become a bit more mature" (yes, living to 40 has been doubtful, but that's another story). You get all this commentary about what you should do or what must be happening for your 40th.  No one ever really asked me what I wanted to do for my 40th (outside of the better part of me; he always seems to know what ...

I was struggling with what I should write about today.  Not because I didn't have any ideas but because most of them would probably come off the wrong way right now.  So, in looking at potential themes, I ran across 'My Favorite Person'.  With this topic, I am supposed to talk about the most time that I have ever spent apart from my favorite person.  Given that Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I thought this would be the perfect time to write about my husband. The most time I have ever spent away from him was when I went to India for a month.  So, first things first, going to India was the opportunity of a lifetime and all I could think about was, I wish Jamie could go with me; I still wish that today.  There were so many things that I got to see and experience that would have been totally amazing to him.   While I was gone, I missed him terribly.  Since Jamie and I have been together (about 15 years including dating time), we have never been mor...

Recently, I discovered that a previous classmate, NaturalBrownMomma , is also fellow blogger/writer.  This realization excited me and got me to thinking.  Thinking about the commonalities that I shared with others that I/we never knew; not that we didn't like one another.  We simply never put ourselves in situations to explore those commonalities.  We each had focuses and people that made us comfortable and never stretched beyond that familiarity.  Why is that important?  For me, it is an example of how I closed myself off (didn't embrace many things outside my box) .   I know you are thinking, what the heck is she saying.   Let me explain further.   Growing up, we learn in one very key way, observation.   You thought I was going to say school, didn't you?  Sorry, I believe we learn from personal experience.  Granted, I am not talking about English, Math, and Science.  I am referring to how we become us: how we sp...

If you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that my father has been dead since I was three years old.  Growing up without a father or male-figure in your life is pretty interesting and, for each person, a different experience.  At times, I wonder what my life would have been like had he not died or had it been my mother instead.  Don't get me wrong, from what I know of my father, I believe that I got the best deal possible for me; I just wonder.  When I was in my mid-to-late teens, I started to tell my mother Happy Father's Day because it was important to me.  I know every parent has to make sacrifices in the efforts to provide for their children the best way they can.  In most cases, a single parent has a plethora of other family members that can help and even step in as a prominent male figure in a child's life.  My mother didn't have that type of support.  In fact, she was often that support beyond the kids that she birthed. ...