Wondering if...

Recently, I discovered that a previous classmate, NaturalBrownMomma, is also fellow blogger/writer.  This realization excited me and got me to thinking.  Thinking about the commonalities that I shared with others that I/we never knew; not that we didn't like one another.  We simply never put ourselves in situations to explore those commonalities.  We each had focuses and people that made us comfortable and never stretched beyond that familiarity.  Why is that important?  For me, it is an example of how I closed myself off (didn't embrace many things outside my box).  

I know you are thinking, what the heck is she saying.  Let me explain further.  Growing up, we learn in one very key way, observation.  You thought I was going to say school, didn't you?  Sorry, I believe we learn from personal experience.  Granted, I am not talking about English, Math, and Science.  I am referring to how we become us: how we speak, behave, and approach life.  We observe our family members, our teachers, our friends, church members; learning things like right from wrong, acceptable behaviors, what relationships look like, where to put focus.  As we observe, we start to separate aspects of life into what we like, don't like, and don't know.  

The first two are expected because we are exposed and make a decision from there.  The third is the most interesting because it is the one that sparks fear.  Fear is often the hindrance to tackling those things we do not know and causes us to close ourselves off. This process of closing off can often end is missed opportunities.  As we grow older, this process is only broken by force from someone or something.  The realization I mentioned earlier was a missed opportunity.  Being able to discuss writing with this classmate could have encouraged us both, especially as life started to unfold.  

Let me see if I can bring all of this together.  Exposure is one of the greatest ways to unearth things you enjoy, varying relationships, and hidden talents.  It provides perspective and encourages forethought.  The last thing I want for myself and anyone else is to spend a lifetime wondering, "What if I had..."

Father's Day...

If you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that my father has been dead since I was three years old.  Growing up without a father or male-figure in your life is pretty interesting and, for each person, a different experience.  At times, I wonder what my life would have been like had he not died or had it been my mother instead.  Don't get me wrong, from what I know of my father, I believe that I got the best deal possible for me; I just wonder. 

When I was in my mid-to-late teens, I started to tell my mother Happy Father's Day because it was important to me.  I know every parent has to make sacrifices in the efforts to provide for their children the best way they can.  In most cases, a single parent has a plethora of other family members that can help and even step in as a prominent male figure in a child's life.  My mother didn't have that type of support.  In fact, she was often that support beyond the kids that she birthed.  While I never bought my mom a present on Father's Day, I made it a point to let her know that I truly appreciate everything she did for me despite the presence of a strong male role in my life.  Did she ever ask for that?  No, she never did.  Did she ever degrade the father I had?  No, with all of the things that she faced with him as a husband, she never degraded him.  Despite the trials and tribulations that she overcame to raise her daughters, she showed me how to be a strong woman. 

What did she do?  Without realization, she taught me to stand-up for myself, never settle, what a strong male looks like, and to never lose sight of what's important.  

Back to the point of this post... With social media being the comfort (or norm) in most people's lives, I get to read varying posts about people wishing their mother's a Happy Father's Day.  While these post go from one end of the spectrum to the other, they all represent someone's individual thoughts and are usually based on their own situation.  My challenge to anyone bothering to read this post is to think beyond your current situation.  Try to imagine a life (truly imagine) totally opposite of your own and see what you come up with.  When you do this, you have to truly put yourself in someone else's situation without carrying over your own behaviors, set of values, or general perceptions.  Maybe then, we can focus on strengthening the family life rather than tearing down each other's individual thoughts/beliefs.