Aimless Deliberation

If I had a choice to live a short life with fame and fortune or a long life as it is today, which would I choose? When this question was originally asked of me, I think I responded too quickly. See, my first response was that I would choose to live my life out on its current path. My thought process was that choosing a different life says that I am not happy with the life I have. As I considered the response of the requester, I now get what they were trying to say about being known for something. Now, I have thought about of this several times and there is not a way to say this without sounding somewhat remorseful.  To be known for something was the response that someone gave me and I get it. None of this is to say that I don't love my life because I absolutely do; it is mine to live the best I possibly can. In this life, the only person that will remember me is Jamie; the life/spirit/dreams/thoughts of Tammy die with him. We have no children together ...

A recent conversation with family inspired this post.  The conversation was basically about what people, kids, or others don't need to know and others, in the family, making that decision.  This conversation reminded me of a book I read a few years ago.  The main goal of the book, to me, was to highlight the detriment of family secrets.  The book was a very quick (about 77 pgs) read.  To try and give perspective without giving away the entire plot, I will tell you that the book is about a young girl who never knew her father because her mother insisted on keeping it from her.  When the girl turned 18, she went looking for her father and found much more than anyone could have expected.  Now, why am I talking about this book? Because it reminds me of so many conversations that I have had and will have about things people (including myself) just don't know about their families, friends, neighbors.   As adults and heads of families, ...

So, I have owed my friend this post for several weeks now. Let’s see if I can do it justice.  Topic:  ‘What type of business or dream company would you start?  You have a private financial backer so money is not an issue.’   Years ago, I would have thought I knew the answer to this question; today, not so much.  Early on in my career, I had to do this team exercise focused on knowing your colleagues.  From this exercise, a personal statement or representation was created.  My statement was basically that I love helping people and fixing things; that’s what motivates me.  Over the years, I have found myself in a position of mentoring/guiding/training multiple people (mainly women) in various situations; sometimes requested and others just by the nature of the relationship.  These relationships will drive my response to this question.  So, my company would be one focused on the development of women in their personal, spiritual a...

Growing up we got to see all of these great families on TV and I used to think, “what if that were my family?”  I literally did this with every TV family show that I watched, from the Brady Bunch, to Family Ties, to the Cosby Show.  But, as I try to imagine which family I most identified with, I would have to say the Facts of Life.  They were not the family usually depicted as a normal American family, but they were indeed family.  Five women trying to understand life and survive under one roof with two bathrooms –  definitely my life growing up.  But the assignment is to talk about the family you would want to be a part of if you could and why.  My chosen family is the Ingalls.  That’s right folks, the Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie.  I loved that show growing up and even read the books.  Laura Ingalls Wilder is who I wanted my life patterned after or at least what I deduced her life to be from the show and books. Let m...

Saturday was my mom’s birthday!  I spent the bulk of the weekend with mom, my sister, and my nephew.  As we all know hanging with family brings a series of events; some familiar and hopefully some new.   As I thought about the day, it made me think about this week’s topic, Reoccurring Life Themes. So, what do I mean when I say ‘Reoccurring Life Themes’?  As far back as I can remember, there are a few things that are constantly associated, said, or happen to me; be it a thought or an event.  The ones I tend to remember are the ones that impacted me the most as I developed. Running into things in my own house.  I am not talking about an ancillary shoe or bag.  I am talking about the same walls or bed that have been in this house for as long as we have lived here (11 years).  I just can’t seem to get around it.  I get when I am unfocused but I will admit that there are times when I consciously try to miss the wall in one spot and...

My friend and I are working together to make time for the things we enjoy.  As a part of that, over the next few blogs, I will discuss topics agreed upon by the two of us.  I like this idea for two main reasons 1) I am writing continuously and that is a great release for me and 2) she and I will connect more on a regular basis.  This week’s topic is the things that I never want to do/experience before I die.   I have no desire to run a marathon.   Let me be honest, even when I was smaller (in size) I didn’t like running.   Regardless of everything that others say about running, it simply is not my thing. I never want to bungee, base, or parachute jump.   If it requires me to jump out of something towards the ground, count Tee Tee OUT!!! Love ya, but NO!   At least not for amusement purposes.   For life saving, no other way out circumstances, maybe. I don’t want to ever be confined to my home state.   For me, traveling i...

I totally had a different approach in mind for today but nothing went as planned.  Today was not the best day for me.  I spent half the day frustrated by other people’s actions then the remainder of the day in a disagreement with my hubby (not arguing but clearly on different sides) about something that’s been in progress for some years.  While we came to a resolution, it took some time and cajoling on both sides. My hubby won’t believe it but he reminded me of something that I said long ago; it is very hard for people to see beyond their current situation.  When I originally said it, I didn’t realize how true that was in EVERY aspect of our lives. Before I go much further, I need to be clear that my posts are meant to be a reflection of me, my thoughts, desires, personal development and hopefully growth.  If others gain something from it, AWESOME!  Just know that I am in no way trying to tell others what they should or should not be doing. No...

I was talking with the hubby a few days ago and he made a comment that would not have been accepted by the masses.  I found the statement quite humorous but told him he was wrong for saying it out loud.  The comment was related to African-Americans or black people, whichever you prefer, and the internet.  While he could have used different terms to state his opinion, I must say that his statement seems to ring very true. We are in a time where most interactions happen digitally.  Look at me, I basically started an online journal.  In my defense, this journal/blog was not started to replace actual human interaction.  The blog serves as a way for me to do something I like, write, and if others want to read it, GREAT!  Now, I am not saying that I don’t use social media at all.  I couldn’t say that I would miss many events if I didn’t.  But, I do try to limit my exposure to it. The challenge is balancing your words/activity on the inter...

I wake up every morning with the goal of doing my best; smiling regardless; not letting anyone divert me from my goals.  Well, today, it just DID NOT work.  I am tired of people, fake, jealous, angry, spiteful, uncaring, rude, ALL of them.   I honestly have nothing today.  My husband gave me some advice this weekend about certain situations and people; I am going to try my best to take heed.   Quote of the Day "Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually antisocial, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people." -Quotes 'nThoughts, pineterst.com/quotedthoughts

This idea of “ missing out ” really confounds me.  You see, no one life is perfect for everyone.  Meaning:   my life is perfect for me, that celebrity’s life is perfect for him/her, and your life is perfect for YOU.  The beauty of living life is that each of us gets to decide how to live it.  Note that I said living life.  The key to “living” is doing what you, the individual, want.  If you are “ missing out ” or feel like you have “ missed out ”, it’s because you aren’t living YOUR life.  You are spending too much time wondering what someone else is or is not doing.  The time you spend doing this is the same time you LOSE living your own life.  Stop wasting your life! Don’t be the person wishing you had treasured the things you had when everything is lost. You get two quotes today. Quotes of the Day “We tend to forget that HAPPINESS doesn’t come as a result of getting something we DON’T HAVE , but RATHER   of recogn...

It’s weird how some things come about in life.  I was struggling with what I should write about today since I have missed the mark the last couple of days.  In mentioning it to my husband and he said, “Write about your favorite color”.  Little did he know, this was the perfect topic for me to write about today.  I wanted something less angry and less serious. I previously mentioned that I went through a coaching program at work.  During this program, I had to consider varying aspects of my life.  In doing so, I went through an exercise that would help me calm myself (rather refocus my attentions) throughout various situations.   In one of the exercise, I had to tell my favorite color and explain why it was.  If you don’t know, my favorite color is PURPLE .  I could tell you that it is my favorite because it looks good on me; while that isn’t a lie that is not the reason.  The reason PURPLE is my favorite is because it bring...

Last week, I wrote a post stating that “ I could say that I know that Jamie loves me but really all I have is a belief and a feeling. ”  I want to explain this a little further because I think I may have caused some confusion.  The belief and the feeling that I have IS the love.  I know to depths in my soul very seldom touched that Jamie’s approach to our relationship, our love, and our marriage is based on the feelings that he has for me and the hopes for our future.  The thing that I can’t tell you is if your partner/boyfriend/lover/husband feels that for you.  As I stated in the aforementioned post, no love is the same.  If you want me to tell you what’s going on in your relationship, my guess is, you already know.  No one knows your situation better than you, always remember that. Love is not one thing alone but in it, you find endless amounts friendship, admiration, respect, tolerance, acceptance and physical chemistry.

Question of the day Why do we insist on paying money for inferior services?  Great question, let's explore.  First, who defines superior and inferior?  How is the rating determined?  If I compare my service to previous services and its better, what will I assume? While I agree that we should pay people/companies who serve us well and stop paying those who provide unacceptable services, I do feel that that determination should be left to the individual.  My thinking is that inferior versus superior is based on personal experience.  I don't go in the store and by a brand because EVERYONE ELSE says that it is great.  I typically go in and buy the brand that I have experienced.  Jane Smith up the street may hate it but it has always worked great for me.  Is that me choosing to pay for inferior services or me deciding to go with a brand that I know. When getting into defining superiority and inferiority, always consider that it is your persp...

I was under the impression that if I posted every day I would run out of things to discuss, that hasn't been the case so far.  While I struggle with how I want to present my thoughts, I have yet to run out of things to talk about.  However, this post is random because I can't get myself to focus on one thing tonight.  I wish that this blog were a little more interactive, meaning I wish my readers would offer some of their thoughts on some of my topics or provide topics to discuss.  Open discussions are very helpful to me and my writings.  Hopefully, as I get more readers, increased interaction will occur. I spent some time today trying to determine the best weekend trips.  I found a couple places to which we hadn't ventured.  I am hoping to get them on the calendar so we know when and what to expect for the upcoming year. Today was a busy day and I didn't exercise like I planned to, so that means tomorrow will be absolutely FUN!!!

There is a question that routinely comes up related to relationships... how do you know if he/she really love you?  Some people expect or assume that since Jamie and I have been married for so long, I should definitely be able to answer that question.  Truth is, I can't.  I could say that I know that Jamie loves me but really all I have is a belief and a feeling.  Yes, we tell each other that we love each other and do things for each other that we probably would not do for others; is that love?  I know that he is who I want next to me when I wake up in the morning and pray that is how he feels as well.  Some would say that because he does, that's love.  But, it could be a sense of obligation.  When I hang out with Jamie, there is warmth, relaxation, laughter; everything that my heart tells me is love.  The point is I know how I feel.  Does he feel the same?  I guess I will have to ask. On some level, you never truly know if you h...

Every now and again, reality hits us when we least expect it.  The problem is we do not always learn the intended lesson.  I am definitely guilty of missing the intended messages or lessons.  So, what I decided to work on for myself is simply listening and thinking.  I will recount the happening (with notebook paper if needed).  This behavior allows me to slow down and pay more attention, which in turn helps me to provide responses that are well-thought and more measured.  The hope is that, in the end, the stress and doubt that I carry is lessened tremendously.   Point is, pay attention to those things that are most important to you.  Eventually, the worth of it comes to the forefront. Quote of the Day "Don't underestimate me.  I know more that I say, think more than I speak, & notice more than you realize."

Since I missed a post yesterday, I will have to post twice today.  I will share why I missed posting yesterday, it was because I was sleeping for the better part of the day.  I didn't go to sleep at all Saturday, which meant that Sunday was a lot of down time.  Yay me!!!  I am off work today so it shouldn't be a problem. Anyway, I am trying to post everyday as a part of our Health Habits program at work.  I need to journal (post) everyday to allow my mind to settle/relax prior to going to bed.  So, I figured I like to write why not give it go using my blogspot. Happy Monday readers!!!

I woke up to very sweet texts from my sisters; I truly love those women. A really good friend was in Memphis and came by to hang out with me.  Now, she made me get up and out of the house too damn early, but I love her anyway.  She and I have been friends for close to 20 years. Our friendship had its tests but is still strong.  It is always great reconnecting and catching up.  Sometimes, playing around in target then giggling like silly school girls provides a calm resolve you didn't realize you needed. "Choose your friends wisely; they will make or break you."   -J. Willard Marriott

I changed the layout and theme of my blog quite a bit.  I changed it, partly, because I needed a change but there were many inaccessible attributes to my readers.  I wanted to create a site that was virtually appealing and user-friendly.  Let me know if I missed the mark. I committed to journaling before bed every day.  The first time I tried this, I was unsuccessful.  However, there are no quitters here, so I refuse to stop trying.  I want to journal here every day.  So, what stopped me from writing every day?  I believe it was thinking every post required some deep, enlightening thought.  The intent of this website was to journal.  Here we go! Today was a vacation day for me.  As always, I still found a way to work.  I did a video call with my baby sister and youngest niece, received a visit from my oldest sister and nephew out of the blue, then hung out with my husband for a little while on the patio. ...

Over the past few months, I have spent countless hours listening to others talk about how much they hate another race or how stupid another race is.  I don’t know about anyone else but, for me, listening to these conversations is extremely draining.  I know I may be crossing some imaginary boundaries but I need you to understand why these conversations are tiring for me. It takes a great deal of energy to hate someone as fiercely as the people do in the conversations that I have heard.   Seriously, try going through your day mad and frustrated ALL day.   I guarantee you, you will be tired and drained and just want to fall out. Every person that I have seen in these instances is depending on something from another race (even the one they despise) in some way shape or form.   My point?   I can hate going to the doctor’s office all day long but at the end of the day, if something is wrong with my system, I have to go to the doctor’s office.   Do...

Wow!!! I hadn’t posted since November.  Nevertheless, all it takes is a pretty good discussion to get my writing underway.  So, the other day Jamie and I were sitting at the table and heard a strange noise.  Jamie went to look and found nothing.  We assumed it must have been something outside.  Later that evening, I went into the closet to change my clothes and found that the door wouldn’t open all the way.  Peeping my head through the opening, I realized that one of my shelves (holding several clothing item and shoes had collapsed…. Yes, this indeed was the noise we heard earlier.  After calling Jamie in to see what happened, he said, “Our house seems to be falling apart”.  I said, “Maybe it was time for a change, we’ve talked about changing the space for a while”.  After retrieving everything from the floor, assessing the remains, and prioritizing my needs, the closet is again usable.  Today my brother told me that I didn’t h...